‘stop being overdramatic’ they say
‘i dont know what you mean’ i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist
instead of paying women the same as men, pay men the same as women and see how angry they get
if a girl wants to watch a sport because she thinks a player is hot then let her, it’s not like guys watch the VS fashion show because they want to buy new bras.
once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory
You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone
go big or go home
when you have unlimited texting but only text two people
*gets period* *dentist pokes head through the window* ‘you’re bleeding because you dont floss enough’
do you ever imagine what it would be like to be invisible and scare every person you dislike
I had a really small period and I was like “maybe I just miscarried a tiny fetus” and then I realized I haven’t had sex since Columbus landed in the Americas
I realize this sounds like I fucked Columbus. I want to clarify. Just so there’s no confusion, I did. I did fuck Columbus.